I also want an AA head

I also want an AA head

Dear reader, I wish you all had "AA heads."

Let me explain. The state’s official news agency, Anadolu Agency (AA), is so happy that it has overtaken the ever optimistic Pollyanna and left her far behind in the dark.

Look, on Sept. 25, AA reporters were able to enter Mosul, which has been under the control of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) for months. They probably told the militants “We will check and see if a friend is in there and leave immediately.”

In their four-hour tour of Mosul, they had the following impressions:

For example, shisha and cigarettes were not banned.

For example, a Mosul resident named Ahmet Said who they spoke to said the city was "living its best days since 2003."

For example, it was better not to believe every story in the media. “Everybody is in their homes. ISIL does not even mess with the Christians,” it said. (Please take note: AA does not see any harm in using the phrase “even the Christians.”)

For example, people were able to wander on the streets.

For example, the restaurants were open. Now reader, bring your seats to the upright position: “It was interesting to see women eating alone.”

There were indeed burned down buildings and vehicles, but it no longer took “hours to pass a check point.”

Were there no problems in the ISIL-controlled Mosul?

Fuel was scarce; there was no water and electricity; salaries were not paid; and the market was stagnant because of this. But don't worry, it was expected that “ISIL would pay the salaries soon.”

In short, AA’s impressions of Mosul suggested, “They behead, they proceed by leaving mass graves behind, but the restaurants are open…”

Then, it was time for the Feast of Sacrifice. From AA’s English-language Twitter account, another optimistic wind started blowing.

AA posted four photographs about “The holiday in ISIL-controlled Raqqa” for its followers.

It was as if the photos were saying, “Imagine the Raqqa of ISIL, how happy the children are during the holiday.” There were children eating cotton candy and riding horses… If Heidi had seen them, she would immediately leave the Alps and rush to the peace and order of this place.

But you know that our nation is impossible to please. AA's Twitter followers reacted and started sending “teletubby” photos to AA. The agency was upset and withdrew its tweet.

Let's not upset AA. As a matter of fact, it is our only official news agency and we are feeding it with our taxes. In order to encourage them, I'll suggest some stories... 

For example, it could write about a “Fashion show with shrapnel collected in Suruç.” It can write about the new fashion trend in Suruç in which the shrapnel of bombs coming from the other side of the border are collected and worn by young people over their clothes to look chic.” 

Maybe there could be another story on “The joy of the massacre at Kobane.” AA could talk to those who are resisting ISIL at Kobane. It could write, “There is a sweet competition between us and ISIL. They attack with tanks and artillery and we die. But look, at least we're able to wash our faces in the morning.”

Go on AA, continue down this road…