Grand Council of Nodders

Grand Council of Nodders

Probably today, if not tomorrow, or at the latest by the weekend, the absolute ruler of the country will declare the creation of the “Grand Council of Nodders.” What will such a council do? First of all, there will be one council composed of seven councils. As His Majesty often says, singularity in plurality is the name of the game. There will be seven councils, each composed of seven nodding members. Those seven councils coming together will form the Grand Council. Please just stop nodding as if you know everything and try to understand the outstanding service of His Majesty!

His Majesty the absolute ruler will have “direct contact” with the head of each of the seven councils who will work under the coordination of the Public Security Undersecretariat. Naturally, besides the Absolute Ruler, His Majesty’s minister in charge of all nasty affairs, be it the Kurdish or the Cyprus problems and his top spy will be in constant contact with these selected masters of nodding. Yes, but what will be the task of these nodders and the seven councils composing the Grand Council? Being naïve is not a crime but refusing to learn is a serious mistake that the Absolute Ruler might decide to mercilessly punish. Is it the time to act like those geriatric retired generals, who cannot walk but somehow are accused of trying to topple the government?

Now, remember, Turkey has seven geographic zones: Mediterranean; Eastern Anatolia; Southeastern Anatolia; Black Sea; Marmara; Aegean and Central Anatolia. Remember, geographic regions not political zones! For each geographic zone there will be a council of nodders. Yes, like most other people, briefly I was scared as well that the government might indeed establish councils of wise people, but after talking this week with Deputy Prime Minister Bekir Bozdağ, I firmly understood that the aim of His Majesty was not to consult some people who consider themselves wiser than we ordinary people, about what to do to, but rather to assign them the task of explaining to us, the miserable mortals, the true meaning of the undertakings of His Majesty and his government.

Come on. Propaganda, sheer propaganda is the name of the game. These councils will brainwash us and explain what a great man the Absolute Ruler is and how benevolent and affectionate his policies are. These seven councils will be dispatched to the seven geographic regions of the country, talk with people, explain them the “opening” undertaken by the government, soothe their worries and through these councils there will be a “hotline” between His Majesty and his mortal subjects.

With her blown-up lips, the pygmy-like giant singer soothed worries by declaring that she would turn down an invitation to join such a council while the geriatric writer who uttered a sensible word some 100 years ago has been busy posing for cameras wherever he sees them in the hope of reminding His Majesty that although sidelined lately, he is still alive and around. Scores of other council hopefuls are engaged in equally awful “remember me” shows. It would of course be extremely prejudiced to claim that members of these councils will all be selected from a list of most talented bootlickers and hopefully the lists suggested in the provocateur media and the allegiant media are nothing further than the wish lists of the editors.

Yet, it is absolutely certain that those councils will not include any wise or unwise man who, at these most difficult and challenging times, has managed to preserve their integrity and refused to get engaged in groveling.