It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy, we want a healthy baby

It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy, we want a healthy baby

We are fed up with the slogans and the trolls of both the “yes” and “no” sides. 

I don’t like either of the campaigns. One of them has a unrelated and “let’s get together and be strong” viewpoint; the other’s is scattered and weak. As a result, none of them are focusing on the content, but rather fueling the division between the different camps. 

I will conduct my own campaign about the referendum. I am a comedy writer who is already fed up with politics. I am starting my own unifying, integrating, anti-troll campaign today. 

I am working on possible slogans. We, as a nation, which has been split into two and is being pushed from behind to get more cross at each other, need to find a common denominator. But, for instance, this common denominator cannot even be the sweet, determinist, good-willed, hopeful sentence that we, otherwise, used 20 times a day until very recently, the phrase “Hayırlı olsun” which means “good luck with it, enjoy” because it contains the word “hayır,” the Turkish for “no.”  

Why? It is because even this innocent sentence has been loaded with a political meaning. It has become the slogan of one segment, and the banned sentence of another segment… Poor old thousand-year-old “Hayırlı olsun.” 

Well, what are we going to say instead of it? Is there an option “none of the above?” 

How about, “yes or no does not matter; may it be healthy,” as expectant parents say about the gender and health of their unborn baby. 

What if we say “Then, we dance!” as in the unforgettable slogan of the iconic caricature of Yiğit Özgür? Would this cause the nation to hold hands together? 

I don’t know what to say to make these people abandon fomenting more animosity against each other. 
“Hey, look there. Shut up. Stop yelling at each other. If you stop fighting and sit quietly like good brothers and sisters, then I will write a new sit-com for you to laugh at.” 

Come on now, how about this?   

Are we invading our neighbor inch by inch? 

One cannot help but wonder why the Greeks have all of a sudden gotten carried away after all the friendship and fraternity. Why are they not returning the “Fethullahist” military members? What is happening on Kardak? Where has this tension come from? 

As a matter of fact, I have figured it out. Now, Turkish people have started traveling to the Greek islands for vacations because it is much cheaper there than places like Bodrum and Çeşme in Turkey. Then, our people started buying property on those islands, summer houses, villas, etc. When our economy stumbled a little, people again went to the Greek islands to search for new markets, to put their eggs in different baskets. They started setting up businesses in Greece, if not opening branches. 

After the July 15 coup attempt, those who were uneasy, those who feared terror and civil war started buying apartments in Greek cities. Well, when the popular TV producer Acun Ilıcalı started shooting the “O Ses Türkiye” show, the Turkish version of “The Voice,” in Greece, this meant that we were invading their television channels bit by bit, too. Of course the guys were concerned. They thought their country was slipping out of their hands. 

I think this is the reason for their tension. Even if this is not the case, this is a fun theory, come on admit it. 

Kudos to the art supplement 

What an extraordinary motivation at such a time. What a limitless platform for hope. What a start that has the color of new beginnings, the scent of fresh coffee and warm bread… Wow… I sat down to write about the new art-book supplement of daily Hürriyet, I plunged into literature but got back quickly. 

No kidding, the new supplement is perfect news; it has good content, a strong coverage of books, cinema, theater, art, sculpture… I don’t know whether or not art is going to save us, but our Fridays may be saved by this “kitap/sanat” supplement. 

Dear editors, I have a request in the name of actors, playwrights, directors and theater lovers: We want to read very good play critics. Artists should be excited to have a review and theater-goers should be able to take a look and pick plays. Stage people love both applause and criticism, but not silence. 

Before anything else, in advance, we applaud you for this supplement.