Why call an authoritarian regime a ‘father model?’
“He is tough, he does not talk with kids, he is cold and he gives money to the family. What is this?” If you limit the fabulous concept of being a father into these narrow concepts, it won’t work, because the answer to the question above sounds more like an ATM.
Let me tell you about fathers like mine, so that we clone them and rescue the new generation.
My father was a disciplined father. Actually, he was reputed among my friends for having strict rules. He still is. He got mad at me two days ago and was furious on the phone when he heard that I lost my voice after catching a cold.
But the characteristics I will talk about are beyond this. Lately, you might have been hearing conversations like: “mothers will raise boys who will not be prone to being violent,” which is right.
But in my view, fabulous fathers like mine will raise women with personalities who will try to make contributions to the world, regardless of how small it is.
It was my father who said when they were choosing what primary school they should send me to: “I don’t want private school; let’s have the state school nearest to our home. She should see what real life at this early age is like, let’s not have her in a sterile environment.”
And it was him who taught me the best fighting techniques for self-defense in that school with its crowded classes, where fights during break time were the usual game.
I had to dive into the real world, but I had to also be prepared for all kinds of events.
A father with lots of contradictions
He found me spectacular enough to claim to everyone that I was a genius. Yet it was the same person who ignored my cries when my arm was hurt after being vaccinated, describing my attitude as “silliness.”
He did not like the concept of a “boyfriend.” But he was also against me getting married before graduating from university, getting my PhD and started working. My dad is a man of contradictions of tradition/modernity.
I had to spend hours trying to convince him to give me permission to go out for dinner with friends at the age of 20, but on days when I used to leave work at four a.m. the next day and come home by car, the man who would wait with pride and curiosity was my father.
“Can women do humor?” He never asked this question to me or to himself. He always found me powerful enough to do anything I wanted, if I wanted it very much. The man who criticizes me mercilessly yet supports me unconditionally is my father.
But with his entire egalitarian characteristic, whenever he saw me in jeans, he would say: “I wish a lady like you could dress more elegantly.”
Fatherhood is not about yelling around. It is like teaching how to fish rather than giving fish. Fatherhood is to teach listening to the voice of wisdom rather than getting scolded.
Fatherhood is not about protecting
Fatherhood is not just about protecting or being the strong pillar of the household. Fatherhood is to teach self-protection, to inspire to become an individual, to be useful.
One should not rely on uttering words like: “My father will beat you.” Fatherhood is about teaching to work to fulfill dreams and targets.
That’s why women raised like us do not understand why authoritarian leaders and regimes are likened to the “father model?”
Fathers like ours never give up on their principles, they insist on getting everyone to sit on the dinner table at a certain time. He says he doesn’t do it for himself but for principles.
A person you call father is the one who teaches the importance of principles rather than humans, and that you have to be principled to be a human.