White Turkey for White Turks

White Turkey for White Turks

BELGİN AKALTAN - belgin.akaltan@hdn.com.tr
White Turkey for White Turks

Welcome to the Parliament of White Turkey, please take a seat.

I’m so tired of how we are governed, the people who rule us, the inferiority and the nonstop pathetic nonsense all around us that I want to start a dream country. It will be called White Turkey… (Like Belarus that used to be called White Russia.) This White Turkey will be for white Turks to live in… Other colors are also welcome as long as they do not pollute the environment… 

Full name: Republic of White Turkey 

Population: 18 million

Capital: Kadıköy, Istanbul

Parliament: The square around the bull statue at Altıyol 

Language: Istanbul Turkish

Accent: Istanbul Turkish… (For those who do not speak, who are not familiar with Istanbul Turkish, prep schools will run courses.) 

Area: Whatever… 

Major religion: Respect for each other, tolerance and humanity

Life expectancy: Quite long and happy but euthanasia allowed

Monetary unit: Beads 

Ethnic distribution: Mostly hippies, a few yuppies 

Average education: Master’s degree

Main exports: Clothes, alcohol, Gezi knowhow, soap operas, fruit and vegetables

GNI per capita: How can I know this? 500 beads? 

Internet domain: wtr

International dialing code: Same as Turkey +90, with flower signs 

Political system: Never tried before, a combination of everything… No political party based on religion will be allowed. 

You can add anything to this to make it closer to your own dream country.

There was a project in my mind once where I suggested that a neighborhood, a selected place to be made a sample EU neighborhood. Every standard would be EU standard in this EU district. Education, laws, food preparation, streets, houses, squares, labor laws, the style of governing... It would both be a tourist attraction and also a showcase of how our lives would be when we become a member of the EU. There would be courts, schools, other sample establishments where everybody would be able to observe how the EU works and compare it with the present… 

This is not like a second republic or third republic… (I don’t exactly know what these mean even though I spent the last hour looking them up.) This is just a wish… 

There will be zero domestic violence in White Turkey. Any man who has a tendency for violence will be rehabilitated. The reasons why they are violent will be researched. Making tougher laws, jailing them and providing protection for the battered woman do not seem to work. 

One idea could be the encouraging of owning a pet in young ages. Research conducted among convicted criminals showed that very few of them ever owned a pet when they were children. 

Of course, if everybody is tamed and nonviolent, then the White Turkey society would be open to external evil and violence. So a special group of people will be made experts on violence so that White Turkey is protected from imported violence. Then there will be yet another group of white Turks to control this group so that they do not abuse their power. Also, separation of powers will be respected strictly so that one group does not dominate the other. 

Economy professors, İETT ticket sellers, engineers, poets will not be allowed to become prime ministers; they can only be deputy prime ministers. All politicians will have to pass a test on basic human rights and basic law. 

Police will have to renew their licenses every two years to be able continue their jobs. 

Power will alternate between men and women; and young people. And minorities. 

There will be an environmental policy, politeness policy, wisdom policy…

Traffic policy, not traffic police… Food policy, sports policy…

International policies will have to be explained thoroughly to the public and approved by them. It will not be like, “Hey, listen; I don’t like the Syrian regime. Its leader was once my brother but now he is not.” All the reasons and options will be explained to us. Foreign policy will not be the product of a few half-brains. 

There will not be Cyprus policies that have failed for a full 40 years. There will not be red lines for Northern Iraq that are immediately trampled down, together with our national pride… There will be a Kurdish policy, indeed… If I call it White Kurdish policy, will anyone be offended? We will be able to confront our past and accept it. Not hide it. Past events, past massacres will not be covered up; they will be dealt with as they are, not paving way for creating new enemies… 

Did I go too far?