The democrat vs. the barbarians

If a Foreign Ministry spokesman had not found some time to explain it to me, I would have assumed that the wife of Turkey’s prime minister, with his steadfast democratic mentality, was placed in a plastic bag in Myanmar. Of course she was not “obscene” material to be wrapped up, and the transparent plastic thing she was seen wearing in photographs was just a rain shield…

Certainly no one would assume either that the first lady, weeping at her first-ever encounter with the Arakan Muslims of Myanmar – it was their turn to be discovered by Turkey this Ramadan – in an outburst of emotion, found the Arakans disgusting and wrapped herself up in a protective plastic coating. Of course not: The plastic coating was just an effort by protocol people to protect her from the rain, that’s all.

The country’s absolute democrat has always appreciated criticism, particularly regarding his efforts to distract public attention. He is especially tolerant of critics who dare to criticize anything related to his family, particularly regarding his absolute boss, the first lady. Thus, upon reading some critics in the media who ventured to criticize the trip by some members of the first family, under the guidance of external tourism vizier Ahmet Davutoğlu, to the freshly-discovered Arakan lands of Myanmar, the most democratic prime minister of the world roared. He declared that he was amazed by those publishers who still dare to employ journalists crazy enough to criticize the Myanmar trip.

Well, according to official information, the trip cost only about $50,000. Really? That amount was the cost of the 18 tons of aid material distributed there by the Red Crescent. The cargo plane was “found” (and probably paid for) by the Turkish Red Crescent.

Perhaps I should ask the Red Crescent to organize an exotic trip for me and my friends, too. We could easily fetch $50,000 dollars for assistance the Red Crescent might wish to give to some newly discovered grieving people in that place. Last year during Ramadan Turks discovered the plight of Somali children, starving to death, and this year it was the Arakan Muslims’ turn. Who knows which suffering people will be found next Ramadan to help Turks forget domestic issues and the war next door and remember religion and charity and to thank God for what they have?

While the government was striving so diligently to help the nation remember its national and religious values, some people are popping out like arriviste democrats to point out some oddities they observe in the government’s undertakings. Such people are of course “barbarians” who have failed so far to get their share of the conservative-religious enlightenment provided to the nation by the father of all democrats, the most worshipful master, the prime minister.

Will the prime minister tolerate this residue of the now-castrated secular-democratic understanding of governance? Surely he won’t.

Thus, the hunt continues. The greatest democrat is hunting the barbarians, and in this holy fight the absolute democrat of the country is instructing publishers and media owners to close their doors to people who still dare to refuse to surrender and engage with the government in a relationship of full allegiance.

This “hunt the barbarians” pogrom of the “absolute democrat” will of course continue until he manages to eradicate the last critic. Will he succeed? Hopefully not.