Parentology now in English for good parenthood
“What does trust mean to you?” Ask this when you’re in a comfortable environment.
Then keep silent. Do not answer on their behalf. Look into their eyes and observe their body language.
If they ask a question, give an answer.
Later, note down what you hear. Everybody’s definition is unique and special.
When I asked this question to my children, their answers deeply affected me.
This one single question made the beginning of many great conversations among us. The pleasure I get from “Parentology” is eternal. They have many different kinds of ateliers, private study groups, researches and experiments.
Generally, there had always been an expert who offered me the best solution according to his/her own opinion, when I went to a place to solve a problem.
There had not been many people or environments that allowed me to find my own solutions by asking: “How would you like to solve this?” or “which solution would give you relief?”
But in those days, I was ready to accept any advice as long as it offered an instant solution, without really thinking if it was actually suitable or not.
People have a period in their life when they become numb. They lose their instincts, the ability to find a solution and they get lost.
They feel exhausted from being continuously judged on their motherhood, femininity, work and just being themselves.
There are patterns and written definitions in society. If you slightly behave differently, they put you back in that order, so that you do not show up in that system and the order can keep going on, whereas, every person, including children and young people, have their own definition of value.
My definition of trust can be different than yours.
And we can get along with each other, without making any imposition or judgement.
The three-day-long Parentology study that I went to three years ago had a huge effect on me.
The creator of the Parentology study is a Turkish woman, whose name is Gönan Premfors.
My biggest dream was to render Parentology accessible to all over the world, and to anyone who wants it. “I want the whole of Turkey to gets its share of Parentology,” I had once told Gönan.
For example, there were two CEOs who wanted to build a more positive relationship with their employees and a HR manager who wanted to understand working mothers.
There was one pregnant woman and another person who had come to gain a better understanding of his relationship with his mother and father. Believe me, there were even people who had come simply because they were jobless.
We all earned many valuable things in those three days, but I earned foremost trust in my life, myself and my kids.
Today, the Parentology of Gönan spread to the whole world and it turned into an online study. For now, it is only in English.
“I do not want my relationships to be like this,” they wander and they do not know what to do or where to start from. The common problem of everybody is communication, trust and respect.