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BURAK BEKDİL

burak.bekdil@hurriyet.com.tr

BURAK BEKDİL > A Jewish-Thai conspiracy to stop the Turkish spaceship

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Egypt’s deeply troubled president, Mohamed Morsi, proved to be too uncreative compared to his Turkish brothers in arms when he blamed the mass protests against his Muslim Brotherhood regime on foreign countries only. He could have been better inspired by his Turkish comrades. Even Turkish Deputy Prime Minister Beşir Atalay was able to add some (well, the usual) sauce on his "evil foreign powers recipe": The Turkish unrest had been sparked by the Jewish diaspora.

So, where, President Morsi, in your assessment of "Tahrir Square – Revisited," are the Jewish conspirators, Western capitals, financial lobbyists, global capitalists, BBC, CNN International, the Economist, Kemalists, Syrian Baathists, Iranian intelligence, the intergalactic forces, and Michael Rubin?

Yes, Mr. Rubin. The zealously, passionately government-friendly press in Turkey discovered weeks ago that the anti-government protests in nearly 80 Turkish cities were the result of a plot hatched at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), and the plotters are, of course, Jews, including the intergalactic chieftain Mr. Rubin who, in a posting he called “A little bit of crazy from Turkey,” confessed to the global cabal:

“Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan can’t even get Jewish conspiracies right: Doesn’t he know that on Sundays, we control the banks. On Mondays, we control the newspapers. On Tuesdays, we think about how we can stage terrorist attacks and blame al-Qaeda. On Wednesdays, we attend meetings with George Soros to discuss interest rates. On Thursdays, we plan atrocities and then order the international media to broadcast cooking shows so no one need see the violence. On Fridays, we hunt Christian children so we can use their blood to make matzoh. On Saturdays, exhausted, we rest.”

But the plot that pushed tens of millions of Turks and Egyptians out to the streets to protest the Turkish and Egyptian Muslim brothers is not confined merely to Mr. Rubin and the AEI (secretly known as “Abraham’s Evil Israel”). I have found on-the-record evidence of Thai collaboration in the big game. Yes, Thai. But no, not avatars disguised as tuk-tuk drivers. Juthaporn Remgronasa, a senior official from the Tourism Authority of Thailand, said that the former Siam country saw potential opportunities in penetrating German and other European markets to draw more tourists to Thailand, and openly confessed to the plot: “Turkey’s political problems will benefit Thailand.”

Earlier, a Turkish Cabinet minister unveiled the big game. Economy Minister Zafer Cağlayan said (financial) speculators, lobbyists and bankers were united in a coalition against Turkey. Without these lobbies, he said, Turkey would now have built and launched its own spaceship.

The situation is very serious: All the dark forces of the intergalactic lobbyists, Abraham’s Evil Israel, Mr. Rubin and Thailand’s Union of Tuk-Tuk Drivers have joined their forces to stop the supreme Turkish engineering from building a spaceship which, who knows, could one day save the world from an alien attack. Of course, a more plausible interpretation could be that the dark forces are trying to stop the Turkish spaceship to prevent possible casualties in case the Sultan I crashed into the kitchen of a Bolivian farmer. And I feel guilty because I was the first journalist to reveal Turkey’s plans to build a spaceship (“We’ll make fighter jets! And spaceships too...” this column, Dec. 16, 2010).

In the meantime, it might be a better idea if Mssrs. Erdoğan and Cağlayan devoted less time and efforts to spaceships and intergalactic conspiracy theories and more to making Turkey a better place to live in. Turkey has just ranked last among 34 nations according to the OECD’s Better Living Index (based on 11 selected criteria including health, education, environment, personal security and income). Unless of course Abraham’s Evil Israel, Mr. Rubin, the tuk-tuk lobby and Turk-hating avatars have already taken control of the OECD.

July/03/2013

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READER COMMENTS

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alkan alkan

10/16/2013 5:32:10 PM

Anti Semitic propoganda is the work of AK Party and before that it was created by its spiritual mentor Erbakan and his Refah Party..

alkan alkan

10/16/2013 5:32:09 PM

Anti Semitic propoganda is the work of AK Party and before that it was created by its spiritual mentor Erbakan and his Refah Party..

Rimon Tree

7/3/2013 11:08:25 PM

Isn't it amazing what the World Jewry brought about in Egypt again today? And it is only Wednesday, still two days to go until they may rest exhausted. Who is next?

Rosalind Polat

7/3/2013 10:16:15 PM

The Jews are such a minority in this big big world they must indeed be "the chosen people" or a super race to take on the brains of all the other religions, Christian,Muslim, Catholic, Budhist, Hindu etc etc and to rule the world and the banking and scare the likes of AKP. there are far more people in Turkey alone than Jews in the whole world!!!

american american

7/3/2013 10:14:13 PM

are you calling turkish jews unpatriotic, anton? how many do you know? i don't know any who have super tramped themselves out to whoever is the strongest kid on the playground.

Tekir Feline

7/3/2013 8:33:32 PM

Oh what a pity, that the Turkish space ship will be delayed, since I hoped the AKP heads would board it on the maiden flight, and we could get rid of them.

Tekion Particle

7/3/2013 8:18:47 PM

Man, this is a funny article. My six year old daughter asked me what I was laughing at and ask me to read it for her. AKP politics is like schoolyard politics they blame everyone else but themselves. So many ignoramuses made to top jobs, frankly it is scary. What is more scary is the man who pretends to preach democracy thinks the democracy comprises of the right to vote in elections once every 4 years. An aptitude test is a must for those who are running to be elected for public offices.

Laz Kemal

7/3/2013 5:39:49 PM

Such sick Islamist mentalities that love to blame all their problems on Jews or Jewish conspiracies need serious psychiatric treatment by psychoanalysis or should be on strong medication such as Valium or Prozac. But wait ! To them this would all be further part of Jewish conspiracy since Sigmund Freud is the founding father of psychoanalysis and those who discovered the medicines I mentioned are all of Jewish heritage.

anton supertramp

7/3/2013 4:39:17 PM

murat you gotto be kidding, "most patriotic", read turkish jews comments get an idea :)

Murat

7/3/2013 3:28:54 PM

You know the end is near when they start blaming media, foreign forces and the bankers. Jewish diaspora (among the most patriotic Turks) was just the topping.
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