LOCAL >Millions flock to AKP rallies in Niğde, Elazığ, Angara, Siberia, Middle-Earth


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The AKP's Middle-Earth gathering was reported to be one of the biggest rallies in history, according to Twitter users.

The AKP's Middle-Earth gathering was reported to be one of the biggest rallies in history, according to Twitter users.

The local election campaign has kicked off in Turkey as fast and furious as ever, with party colors blossoming in every square and a frenzy of activity shaking the country, the planet and beyond.

Any sentient being will know that Turkey has become a major global actor and a universal center of interest, and the craze for the country’s local elections has grown to the point that it is piquing the attention of people of all nationalities – as well as Blufescuans and Orcs. The results of the polls are naturally of grave significance for the region and the whole planet, as they could even cause a galactic meltdown.

Proof of it is the marathon rally schedule of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, the self-dubbed “the Marathon Man” (no pun intended), or the “Tall Guy” as his ministers and advisers fancy to call him with affection.

Daily Sabah has solemnly reported, naturally citing Erdoğan, that his rallies are followed with baited breath not only in all 81 provinces across Turkey, but also in “Cairo, Gaza, Baghdad, Aleppo, Jerusalem, Homs and Sarajevo.”

His AKP, somewhat in difficulty due to the niggling little issue of off-the-charts corruption, claimed that the crowds in the rather small Central Anatolian town of Niğde that gathered to see Erdoğan were “humongous.”

Meanwhile, a little further east in Malatya, 80,000 people attended the AKP’s rally, which means almost one of every five people living in the city. The same goes for everywhere Erdoğan has set foot up to now, from Elazığ to Kırıkkale. With suspicions about the actual number abounding, the prime minister has gone onto the counter-attack, slamming claims that the pictures could have been fabricated with photoshop and saying opposition supporters spreading pictures depicting squares that were not jammed to the rafters were either taken before or after his address.

So this is why the show of force was naturally not enough for the party, which has, quite understandably, tried to show that no graft allegation can conquer the deep love of their supporters, otherwise normally known as “the national will.”

The AKP has moved to organize another massive gathering in the Turkish capital, reminiscent of those counter-rallies during the protests in summer that were fueled by “evil lobbies” and their satanic majesties.  As attentive readers will notice, the festive communion was held next to the sea brought to “Angara” as promised by its legendary, 20-year mayor, Melih Gökçek.

The AKP tour then stopped in Trabzon, on the Black Sea shore. The presence of the prime minister set the capital of anchovies in a craze, on land as well as underwater. Many had difficulties due to a stampede, agencies reported.

Of course, the stakes are so high that AKP officials felt a need to affirm their presence outside Turkey’s borders. The next stop was the Catalan city of Barcelona, where Erdoğan apparently rivaled one Lionel Messi in terms of drawing masses, according to TV reports.

The heat skyrocketed during a Siberian rally, where thousands filled the tundra. A huge banner reading “Stand erect, don’t bow down, this people is with you” was unfurled as Erdoğan appeared on the platform.

Next stop was Middle-Earth, where a similar struggle against an obscure parallel force led by the Dark Lord of Mordor is continuing. Pictures of the vibrant fête of national will were leaked on social media showing Erdoğan greeted by tens of thousands Orcs, Trolls and Hobbits in jubilation.


Erdoğan also made a stop at Helm’s Deep at night, with large numbers of people again braving the bad weather and the late hour, as pictures of Tweeps showed.

But the world and Middle-Earth are not enough, as the universe has a lot more public squares to conquer and places desperate for justice and development. As some say, the significance of the elections goes way beyond the country or the solar system. As such, the AKP has stepped up its game, renting the Starship Enterprise in search of new places to boldly go in which to share its enthusiasm and exuberance.  

* Simon Tage is an Istanbul-based political satirist.


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